Jokes? Who's Got Them?

[justjackyl]

One joke per post for easier reading, even if you need to double posts, it is allowed.

[justjackyl]

This is my favorite racist joke, and every black friend I've told it to laughs even.

"The ABC Racist Joke"
So a 747 is flying from NY to LA,
During the flight there is a big shudder and the pilot gets on the radio and says that one of the 4 engines went out, but it's ok, we are turning around to land.
A few minutes go by and there's another big shudder, and the pilot comes on the radio and says, "ok we've lost another engine" we are going to need to lose some weight, so we are going to have to have people jump off the plane. So to be fair, we will do it in alphabetical order according to race.
So first, we need all African Americans to jump off the plane, so the African Americans get up and jump off the plane.
The pilot gets on the radio and says, we still need to lose more weight, so staying with the ABC's, next we need all black people to jump off the plane.
So the black people get up and jump off the plane.
The pilot comes back and says, we still need to lose more weight or we are going to crash, so staying with the ABC's, next, we need all colored people to jump off the plane.
So all the colored people get up and jump off the plane.
Well, theres and black man and his son standing there in the isle, and the son is tugging on his dad's arm and says, "dad we have to jump, it's only fair, they asked for all African Americans, blacks, and colored people to jump off the plane, we have to jump!"
"The dad looks down at his son and says, "Son, today we aren't African Americans, blacks, or colored people, we're niggers and we ain't jumping till after the Mexicans!"

lol

I love that joke.

[justjackyl]

"The Farmer"

So a farmer carries a sheep with him into the house,
and proceeds to take the sheep upstairs into the bedroom.
The farmers wife is in the bedroom lying in bed,
and the farmer says,
"see honey, this is the pig I have to sleep with when you won't fuck me"
The wife says to the farmer,
"you fuckin moron, thats a sheep not a pig"
The farmer says to the wife gruffly.
"I was talking to the sheep"

lol

[aka Kizza]

2 cannibals are eating a clown and ones says to the other:

"Does this taste funny to you?"

[Creamy_Mayo]

What do you call a baby with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean-------------FUCKED!!!


Why do you unload a truckfull of babies with a pitchfork?
-To tell which ones are still alive

What's the difference between a truckfull of babies and a truckfull of bowling balls?
-The bowling balls don't squeal when you stab them with a pitchfork

One more:
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
-Nail its other hand to the floor.

[aka Kizza]

you are one sick motherfucker

what black and white and crawls along the floor?

a wounded nun.



How do u know your sister is on her period?

Your dad's cock tastes funny

[justjackyl]

Wow...we're sick...

How do you make a little boy cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.

What's the best thing about a 12yr old girl in the shower?
She looks 10.

You've heard the saying "if the field has grass on it play", even if the field doesn't have grass on it, you can flip her over and play in the mud.

[aka Kizza]

lol

over here it's:

"If there's grass on the wicket, play cricket."

[aka Kizza]

The other day my girlfriend asked me "when you're away on a lads trip do you think about me?"
Apparently "only to stop myself coming too quickly" wasn't the best answer



My wife rang me at work. She said, "Two packages arrived today. The first was your Playstation 3 and the second is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours"

I said, "You'll be fucking lucky .. I only ordered one controller".

[aka Kizza]

this is sick and in no way amusing:

Whats the worst thing about shagging a 6 year old?

Having to kill it afterwards

[justjackyl]

"How do you fit 100 jews in a car?"

"You put 2 in the front seat, 3 in the back seat.....and 95 in the ashtray."

Syrena gave me that one.

[thjunglelove]

This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded
They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports...

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan worked with hell's fury.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES....

[thjunglelove]

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

[scoperfin]

I'm the only one who's not creative at making jokes and I don't know any good jokes ffs

[haljackey]

Sept 8, 2010 14:37:08 GMT -5 scoperfin said:

I'm the only one who's not creative at making jokes and I don't know any good jokes ffs

Don't feel bad, I got nothing besides nigger jokes and jew jokes. lol